Confessions of the Self-proclaimed Artist

When I was a kid, I used to dream of becoming a fashion designer. I would draw non-stop of evening gowns, cut clippings of designs from newspapers, watch runway shows on TV and even kept my Barbie paper dolls. I remembered that I also asked my aunt to buy me a Fashion Design book, a manual that would teach me all the basics of rendering design. Anyway, I was already decided that fashion designing was my future. Until I was told that it was not practical; that designing clothes, specifically gowns, is not an ideal career. Like who wears evening gowns daily? The demand is little and it’s not an easy industry either therefore, the chances of me making it big is slim. To cut the long story short, I was discouraged to pursue fashion design (even fine arts) and I bid goodbye to my childhood dream. Until now, I always wonder what it feels like to take an art course and be called, if not a designer, an artist.

Years passed and I graduated college under a different course. Fashion designing was no longer in my system, though I’m still yearning for creative work. When my sister told me to check out the Instagram account of her elementary friend, I was surprised to see a lot of great illustrations. Apparently, she’s gifted in visual arts and her works are stunning!  Something hit me and I just couldn’t point it out so I started to research randomly on Pinterest about art. So many artworks surfaced and I was so overwhelmed that I think I spent the whole day pinning everything in my board. Most of the illustrations I’ve found were made with watercolour and I instantly fell in love with it. It was really not a favorite medium of mine back in the days but Pinterest and Youtube changed my mind. Thanks to thefrugalcrafter tutorials, Ana Victoria Calderon’s channel, videos of Oana Befort and Geninne Zlatkis on Vimeo, all misconceptions on watercolor were addressed. Just a side note, I am obsessed with Ana Vicky’s works! She’s actually my turning point and ultimate inspiration, like I just found the goddess of watercolor and I will without hesitation, agree to be her slave. So anyway, before this fangerling gets creepy,  something hit me again and this time, I knew what it was. I’m jealous of all these persons’ talents! How I wish I could create such wonderful art and share it also to the world. Ever since I was a kid, art is the only thing that interests me and with all the handcraft revolution happening today, I guess this is the best time to work on that talent.

Watercolor became my therapy, illustrating and practicing whenever I can. I used to love floras, galaxy and animal paintings as these are the subjects that my inspirations would always do. I watched all those time-lapse videos again and again, trying to emulate the style of my favourite artists, obsessing with their painting process. It was all fun, but it also became a little frustrating. It’s not about the actual painting process because I really, really enjoy it. I think it’s about being different and serious with the craft, what makes you unique from all the others. When you’re an artist, you’ve got to have style and trying to develop your own style is not that easy. Talk about the disadvantages of stalking your favorite artists on the Internet and spending countless hours on Pinterest. You always feel like comparing yourself with others, wishing that you’re as good as them. That desire sometimes leads to copying and we all know that copying does not do any good to anyone. Style is what associates the artwork to its creator and vice versa. Something that I sadly, haven’t found yet.

I wonder how my favorite artists made it to who they are now. Were they also influenced by their idols, watched countless tutorials, attended workshops or even took formal training? Did they feel also the same frustration when they were just starting? How did they achieve their stye? I’m wishing so bad that I get to meet a mentor or artist friend who could answer all these questions. I wanted to know and I definitely wanted to learn but I guess experience will be my teacher for this one. I still haven’t lost the will to be an artist. To to be specific, I wanted to be a food illustrator. I haven’t found yet a local artist specialising in food drawings, so who knows, I might be the first one. A lot of practice is needed, also buckets of patience and perseverance. But whatever the odds, I’m claiming it now and I hope that the universe will conspire with me on this one.


4 thoughts on “Confessions of the Self-proclaimed Artist

  1. anitaozolins says:

    You are so very talented. The power in life is to keep creating and actualise your dreams. Keep producing painting, designing and creating you have a wonderful talent!!
    I would love to buy the drawing you made for me of raspberries and chocolate. Your creation is so special and really means so much to me. It really is the nicest thing anyone has done for me for a long time!! Lets connect and collaborate more!!! Xxx Anita


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